Below is the first chapter of Dan Sherven’s new novel Uncreated Light. Uncreated Light is published by Close To The Bone Publishing and edited by Mitchell Sherven.
You can now order the paperback version of Uncreated Light.
Watch a short video of Dan Sherven talking about Uncreated Light.
When Paul is killed by a drunk driver, while walking on a lonely stretch of prairie highway, he begins a journey through the afterlife to save himself and his loved ones.
On the Road to Damascus
The pain was the worst he ever experienced, but it was over as soon as it began.
Maybe the few seconds of fear before the truck’s impact should count as pain. But maybe the man walking on the highway didn’t realize the truck was going to hit him, so there was no fear to count as pain.
That lone spirit walking on the highway was drunk just like the driver.
Maybe there was a flash of pain before the eternal darkness. Maybe as he flew through the air he was already dead. Or maybe he was alive and with death being inevitable, his whole life flashed before his eyes.
Perhaps he saw the Uncreated Light.
A tragedy cannot be explained fully, which is part of what makes it a tragedy. Blaming the drunk driver might be justified, but it won’t resurrect the dead man. It will just leave another living man dead.
Besides, there is a large gap between tragedy and hell. To overly blame the drunk driver is to drag a tragedy into hell; where the demons live.
The police were on the scene immediately because Paul had been walking down the highway and was almost hit by a different driver. There was no divine intervention in the timing of the police arriving, or maybe there was.
For a human being can see time more than animals can, but not fully like the Uncreated Light. Man can count time but cannot see how it lays itself out eternally. And maybe Paul was more needed somewhere else. That seems more likely than him just being gone.
Man picks up the broken pieces, but without the Architect’s blueprints—putting the pieces back together might be impossible. At the same time, as Paul’s family would find out, there is a deep optimism which is not naïve. That optimism is found when one looks into the abyss for long enough; so long that the Uncreated Light begins to shine through the eternal darkness which one first saw.
There was a sense in which Paul’s spirit transcended death on earth because people remember him. Meaning, the spirit lives through death if the spirit lived properly in the world.
Paul was pronounced dead at the scene.
The driver was hauled off to jail in what can only be imagined as pure horror.
Sometimes the crime is the punishment.
There is a legal system on earth, but not necessarily a justice system. The earthly system aims to be as good as possible, but it is nothing compared to the justice of the Uncreated Light.
For the afterlife is the experience of the Uncreated Light; experienced as either heaven or hell, depending on the state of the person’s spirit. So even if that justice lasts less than a second before changing, it is enough justice. But Man is not clear about such things.
The family, friends, and potential Paul had to excel in the world and be an example to others immediately ended.
A man focused on legacy lost the time needed to establish that legacy. Or so that is what Man is left to think, if Man only has reason and not faith in the Uncreated Light. If there is not an all-good, all-powerful, and all-knowing source of reality; much tragedy could be considered as and made into hell.
Days later, Paul’s family found his watch a few feet away from where Paul was found blood-covered in the ditch. Paul’s uncle found the watch. The police did not. That watch died at 3:43 am which was the moment Paul was struck by the truck.
Paul was drinking at a wedding that night, somewhat out of his city. After he left to take a walk, he came back to the reception hall, but was locked out of the building. His keys, phone, wallet, and jacket were all locked inside.
He decided to walk back to his city. As he once said to his friend John: “I don’t need to believe in God because I believe in myself.”
The city was about fifteen minutes away when driving highway speeds. But being drunk, Paul started walking in the wrong direction along the highway; away from the city which he was trying to get to. Today, a cross and flowers mark the spot where he died.
After the moment of eternal darkness when Paul died, he saw the man who killed him. The man stepped out of his car and ran to Paul. But Paul was already dead in the ditch. At that moment, the man’s heart fell through the ditch into the underworld.
While those underworld fires raged, which are themselves the Uncreated Light, Paul saw the police lights brighten the dark pavement. The police men got out of the car and approached.
“He’s just standing in the road Sean,” the one officer said to the other.
Paul was watching from above as the police started talking to the man. Paul felt a complete sense of peace. It was far more than the peace which is available to the righteous on earth. Paul felt no hate for the man who killed him. Instead, there was only remorse for what the mortal creatures would do to the man in the name of earthly justice.
Paul found himself watching the drama of Man below as his own view extended higher above. When he looked down to find his own body he could no longer see it; although it lay lifeless in the tall prairie grass; covered in blood and broken.
All Paul was now, was soul and spirit.
Soul is the breath of life; the animating force of the body. Spirit is the highest part of Man; the part capable of spiritual interaction.
To his family and friends who would soon hear the news, it appeared that Paul’s time was cut short or stolen by the drunk driver. But time is really only understood by the Uncreated Light. Paul was starting to understand that.
He rose up further into the heavens, as his out of body experience came to an end and he now saw only the Uncreated Light.
It is only the spark of the Uncreated Light; the spirit with the conscience and the soul, which is allowed to stay with the Uncreated Light. The body does not go along with the spirit. Man’s inclinations to dark passions burn away if they are not already gone; inclinations which are part of the earthly flesh, but not part of the body. The body will have a place in the heavenly future, just not yet. And it will be a spiritual body, not a physical body. So the presence of the Uncreated Light burns those dark passions away—if Man allows for that. Making Paul’s ending the beginning.
Paul’s spirit became unified with the Uncreated Light, but was not consumed. Rather, there was a unity between Paul’s spirit and the Uncreated Light; as Paul became part of the Uncreated Light. It was a unity in diversity. Particulars are not destroyed. An individual Paul remained.
That experience was only slight burning followed by immense joy. For what is unworthy has to be burned away by the Uncreated Light. Only what is proper in a person can stand the Uncreated Light. And once the inadequacy is burned away, the spirit feels infinite joy.
Right after that joy, Paul found himself in a courtroom. His body was back, but it didn’t seem like the same body he’d had on earth. Paul wasn’t sure if it was a spiritual body, or if it was some kind of illusion provided for that experience of being in the courtroom.
Paul thought it made sense that judgement after death would present itself in a manner which was easily understood by someone who was recently alive. Alive, meaning that body, soul and spirit had been intact and so appeared intact in that courtroom. Even though, Paul had a feeling that his spirit was now separated from his body in ultimate reality; for his spirit was now united with the Uncreated Light.
Paul realized he was sitting in the defendant’s box. The witness box, jury box and places reserved for the defense and prosecution were all empty. There was no one else in the courtroom.
At least not until Paul looked to the Judge’s bench: seeing a tall figure wearing all white. The figure wore a hood on his head, casting impossibly black shadows, leaving his face covered in an eternal darkness.
Both a prosecutor and a defense attorney appeared. They were good-looking men in suits. Both men had clean cut hair and were wearing ties; one blue and the other red. What shocked Paul was that both of these men looked exactly like Paul.
In the jurors’ box, twelve men appeared, for whenever something truly important needs to get done, it is always up to twelve ordinary men. Paul recognized these twelve men instantly. Although one was actually a child of no more than three years-old. And another was an old man wearing a Christmas sweater.
Paul recognized them all because they were all him. They were all Paul at different stages of life. Some paid more attention to the real Paul than others did. Some wore stern expressions, some were amused to see him and some were more interested in looking around the courtroom at the lawyers and the Judge.
“The man we have before us does not deserve the sentence which follows from a verdict of guilty,” Blue said. “He is a most reasonable man. And whilst we all have faults that trouble us dearly, this man is not at all like some of the hideous monsters we have seen before in this courtroom; men we have charged with the same offense. It is clear to me that after our deliberations you will come to the same conclusion I have about Paul: he is a good man.”
The Judge sat motionless; seeming to be facing Blue while Blue made his opening statement. After speaking, Blue sat down as he held his tie against his body and made sure his chair was underneath him. Then Red stood up.
“Jurors,” Red said. “The man we have before us has committed the cardinal sin: hypocrisy. In the process, showing a tremendous lack of self-awareness. As the evidence I aim to present will inevitably show, there can be no question of that hypocrisy. Therefore it is only reasonable that Paul must be reprimanded for his crimes; his crimes against our kind. Consequently, he must face the punishment; the punishment which naturally goes hand-in-hand with those who have walked the same path as Paul. It is my firm belief that you will have no qualms coming to the opinion I hold of Paul. He is a bad man.”
There was no cross-examination. Instead, Blue and Red made their respective cases, each arguing back and forth with an air of arrogant princes. After a while, Red patted the three year-old Paul on the head as Red began yet another speech.
“Gentlemen,” Red said. “The man we have before us is a hypocrite as no other is. You look at him and see a victim of drinking and driving. But upon further inspection you will see he is someone who got what he deserved.”
The background noise of people shuffling in their seats came to an immediate stop, as the room fell into silence.
“The scales of justice finally swung back on Paul,” Red said. “Consider his vile behaviour: Why I recount once when Paul drank with his boss. And no not the boss at the bowling alley who Paul was caught stealing money from. No, a different boss. It was the man who employed Paul, while Paul was still a student. Paul was designing drafts for an architectural firm and would dip into the schnapps after-hours with his boss. Not a big deal. For we all know everyone here enjoys their liquor from time to time; when the occasion permits.”
Most of the jurors let out a laugh.
“Plus gentlemen,” Red said. “Paul does not drink much alcohol at all. Not much at all. But when he does swim in the Devil’s seas, Paul loves to dive straight into the deep end. He likes to see how long he can hold his breath for. Some of you may not know this fully, but one night after drinking with his boss, Paul took his usual route home. You know the route. Not on the highway, but on that stretch of road which cuts across the old westward boundaries of our city. Well, Paul decided to rip down the pavement going twice the speed limit—after drinking schnapps with his boss. In fact, he was driving as fast as his car could go, just for the thrill. Now tell me Paul was not rolling the dice of fate here. Tell me Paul is innocent and doesn’t deserve our punishment. Tell me there was no risk of Paul himself killing someone while drinking and driving. And finally, tell me Paul did not get the death he deserved in the very manner he deserved.”
Red sat down while locking eyes with Blue. The Judge still had not moved. Blue stood up quickly, while straightening out his back and moving his shoulders around.
“Reprehensible,” Blue said. “Truly despicable actions. Yet who amongst you, who amongst anyone, can actually say they’ve never driven after drinking? I see none in the room, for you have all done it, except that kid. Furthermore, when I go to the common gathering places I see no men who are pure. Rarely, one will encounter a man who is close; close to pure. That much is true. But my friend here, Red, is trying to convince you of a falsehood. That falsehood being that Paul—an innocent man—deserved death for some minor moral failing which almost all have fallen victim to. Surely we all have more sense than that. It is also despicable that my friend here, Red, would dare to characterize a hero such as Paul—as though Paul is none other than the Devil himself. It is reprehensible and there is no place for it in a house supposedly devoted to justice. I will be the first to admit Paul drank and then got behind the wheel, during his time on earth. He may have even done so more than I know he did.”
Some of the jurors leaned in.
“But was he ever so intoxicated he could not pilot the vehicle?” Blue asked. “All of us are aware that the laws of Man are often flawed. They are merely the best Men can do at any given moment in time. But when it comes to our just minds, we must decide what is truly right. So yes Paul had a few drinks, sped on the streets and got home without hurting anyone. It is not the same at all, as the drunken farm boy who killed Paul and brought Paul into our midst. Under no circumstances did Paul deserve to die tragically at the age of twenty-five. He did not earn his own death. Red’s argument is a horrid attempt at destroying Paul’s character, while Red entirely misses the mark. For Paul was, is, and always shall be a good man.”
Blue sat down and began writing in his legal pad, while Red sat motionless except for spinning his pen. Red kept his back fully straight against the chair, with one leg crossed over the other. Then the sound of Red standing was all that could be heard in the courtroom.
“Don’t be fooled into thinking that drinking and driving is the only example of why Paul deserves to be punished,” Red said. “Let me tell you about the A-17 Falcon.”
The old man Paul sitting in the jury box started laughing.
“It’s not a laughing matter,” Red said. “Or maybe it is to a real estate mogul like you.”
Blue opened his mouth, but decided not to speak.
Paul was still sitting in silence, watching the drama unfold in the courtroom. He feared what his punishment might be, but remained hopeful there wouldn’t be a punishment. And he was intrigued that he could have been a real estate mogul.
“The A-17 Falcon is a term which Paul used with a friend of his,” Red said. “The term was a metaphor for their respective pursuings of women. If there was no pursuit the A-17 Falcon was grounded. I need not go into details. The man before us is a flawed man and not what we think of when we think of a hero. He is an average man at best, with all the problems of the underworld hanging over him.”
Red sat down in his chair and looked to the bench, where the Judge sat. Red nodded at the Judge but the Judge did not move. In fact, breathing was the only human-like movement Paul could notice from the Judge.
Blue rose to face the men of the jury.
“Really, your honour?” Blue asked. “Boys or men who have failed in a similar manner have often avoided punishment in our house. For they have been good men overall. Even though they would become real men, were they to avoid such an eternal darkness as lust.”
Blue sat down in his chair while Paul was hoping to be found not guilty; even though he was aware he wasn’t innocent.
Next the jurors stood up and walked through a great door at the back of the jurors’ box, a door which then closed behind them.
On the other side of the door there was a large hall, where the twelve ordinary men now sat. They were seated around a large round table made of marble. And there was no need for papers as it was a place of speech, but some of the men nevertheless liked to write out their thoughts and did so. Other men preferred to speak without preparation.
The sun and the moon were high above and visible through the room’s skylight window. Above the table, day and night hung in the balance; constantly gaining and losing ground over each other; infinitely far above the heads of those gathered.
It took hours of debating before there was finally a moment of silence.
“He is nearly as just of a man as one can expect of a man,” the oldest Paul said.
“Some of what he’s done was definitely wrong,” the Paul in his twenties wearing dress clothes said. “But I think it’s justifiable.”
“What do you expect of him with those women?” the teenager Paul asked, while moving his bangs away from his eyes. “The internet is a beautiful thing.”
“One time I saw a little dog on a boat,” the child Paul said. “His big dog friend was scared, but the big dog still jumped in the water and pulled on the rope until the boat got closer; closer to the beach. Then the little dog jumped out of the boat onto the shore. So sometimes we have to help our friends even when they get into scary trouble.”
“The Judge said we have to arrive at a consensus,” a fit, muscular, middle-aged Paul said. “There can be no one who differs in opinion whatsoever; we all have to agree.”
“Well it’s time for another vote,” an older Paul wearing a blazer and glasses said. “Let’s see how this vote pans out.”
That older Paul tore apart a piece of paper from his binder. The leather-bound binder had a Design + Draft logo on it.
“Remember to write what you honestly think, whether that be guilty or not guilty,” the Paul wearing a blazer and glasses said. “Then pass the papers to me and I’ll tally up the votes.”
There was only the sound of pens, while some took longer than others to write down their vote. The young Paul in dress clothes helped the child Paul. The child Paul whispered what his vote was as the young Paul in dress clothes wrote down the child Paul’s vote.
The other pieces of paper had already been passed back to the middle-aged Paul. That Paul started dividing the votes into two piles. The piles seemed equal in size. After that, the piles were given to each Paul to look over. Then, every Paul stood up to leave the room.
Back in the courtroom, Red and Blue were sitting at their chairs. There was one table for the prosecutor and one table for the defense attorney. The twelve ordinary men, who were deliberating the verdict, entered the room in a single-file line and sat down in their respective chairs within the jurors’ box.
Paul was still sitting in the defendant box. Everyone else sat in silence. But that silence sounded like patience and grace which echoed through the courtroom. Within a minute the Judge walked into the room. That was the first time Paul saw the Judge move. Paul did not see him exit the courtroom, into the Judge’s chambers, when the jurors left to deliberate.
Now the Judge sat on his bench and stopped moving, except for his breathing. He turned his head to the jurors, while the eternally dark shadows stayed on his face.
The child Paul was handed the verdict from the middle-aged Paul. Then the child Paul took that piece of paper and carried it to the Judge. But the Judge did not move to take the paper, so the child Paul put the piece of paper on the bench in front of the Judge.
The Judge tilted his head down; seemingly looking at the paper, then moved his head back to its normal position. The Judge now moved his head to face the jurors, then to face Paul who was still in the defendant’s box.
The defendant’s box exploded across the courthouse, but Paul was not hurt. Blue stood up pumping his fist. Red got up and walked out of the courtroom.
The jurors’ box fell away into nothingness and Paul watched as the jurors fell apart into atoms. Blue disappeared in the same way.
After, the entire room fell apart and Paul found himself standing face-to-face with the Judge. Everyone else was gone and the courtroom was gone. The Judge and Paul were now in a vast, empty and white place.
They were back in the Uncreated Light.
You can now order the paperback version of Uncreated Light.
Watch a short video of Dan Sherven talking about Uncreated Light.
Dan Sherven is the author of four books, including the number one bestseller Classified: Off the Beat ‘N Path and Uncreated Light. Sherven is also an award-winning journalist, writing for several publications. Find Sherven’s work.
“Dan Sherven wields words like a butterfly knife sharpened by both pain and grace.”
— Austin M. Davis
Regina Leader-Post
“Dan Sherven is a break-out talent; a wordsmith with a lot to say. Pay attention Canada, there is a new and unique voice on the Canadian literary landscape.”
— John MacIntyre
MacIntyre Purcell Publishing
“I’ve only known Dan for a few years now, but his love for writing has def been evident. He helped me put my autobiography together, and helped me find the right words to tell my story. Excited to see what he does with his next project.”
— Classified
Canadian Hip-Hop Legend